How to recognise people you can trust

Living with Crohn’s disease or ulcerative colitis can sometimes feel lonely. You might have questions, worries or difficult days that you don’t want to share with everyone. Having people you can trust makes a big difference, whether you need someone to talk to, help with school or simply a friend who understands.

But how do you know who you can trust? Sometimes, it takes time to work that out. Trust isn't just about what someone says — it's also about how they treat you and whether their actions match their words.

💛 What does it mean to trust someone?

Trust means feeling safe enough to be yourself around another person. You feel that they will listen to you, treat you with respect and try to understand how you feel.

Someone you trust doesn't have to understand everything about IBD. They might not know what a flare feels like or why you're sometimes too tired to hang out. What matters is that they care enough to listen and respect what you tell them.

Trust can look different with different people. You might trust one friend with your feelings, another with personal information about your health, and a parent or teacher to help you with bigger worries.

🌟 Signs someone is trustworthy

There isn't one perfect way to tell whether someone can be trusted, but there are some helpful signs to look for.

They listen to you. They let you talk without making fun of you, interrupting you or immediately telling you what to do.

They respect your privacy. If you share something personal about your IBD, they don't spread it around school or tell other people without a good reason.

They respect your boundaries. If you say you don't want to talk about your symptoms or need to cancel plans because you're unwell, they don't pressure you or make you feel guilty.

They care about how you feel. They notice when you're struggling and check in on you, rather than only thinking about their own needs.

They are kind even when nobody is watching. They don't act like your friend in private but embarrass you or make jokes about you in front of others.

They keep their promises when they can. They try to do what they say they'll do. If something changes, they are honest with you.

They admit when they're wrong. Everyone makes mistakes. A trustworthy person can apologise, take responsibility and try to do better.

🚩 Signs someone might not be safe to trust

Sometimes, people seem friendly but don't treat your feelings or privacy with care. Pay attention to how you feel around them and how they behave over time.

Be cautious if someone:

• Shares your private information or tells others about your IBD without your permission.

• Makes jokes about your symptoms, medication, hospital visits or bathroom needs.

• Pressures you to tell them things you want to keep private.

• Makes you feel guilty for being unwell or cancelling plans.

• Uses personal information to embarrass, threaten or control you.

• Is kind when they want something but regularly puts you down afterwards.

• Ignores your boundaries even after you've asked them to stop.

One mistake doesn't automatically mean someone can never be trusted again. What matters is whether they recognise the problem, take responsibility and change their behaviour.

If someone repeatedly makes you feel unsafe, ashamed or pressured, it's okay to create some distance and talk to a trusted adult.

🧩 How can you work out if someone is trustworthy?

You don't have to decide straight away. Trust can grow slowly as you get to know someone.

Start with something small. You could share a minor worry or tell them something that isn't too personal. Notice whether they listen and respond kindly.

Watch what they do. Someone might promise to keep a secret, but their behaviour over time tells you more than their words alone.

Notice how they react when you say no. A trustworthy person might feel disappointed, but they should still respect your decision.

Pay attention to how you feel around them. Do you feel accepted and comfortable being yourself, or do you often worry about being judged or embarrassed? Your feelings can give you useful clues.

Give yourself time. You don't have to share your biggest worries or most personal information just because someone has been nice to you.

Remember, you can change your mind about what you share as you get to know someone better.

🫶 Who can you talk to about your IBD?

You might have different people you trust for different reasons. Think about who makes you feel safe, respected and supported.

These people could include:

• A close friend: Someone who listens, respects your privacy and wants you to feel included.

• A parent or caregiver: Someone who can help you work through worries and make decisions about your health.

• A teacher or school counsellor: Someone who can help if you're struggling at school, being teased or feeling overwhelmed.

• A healthcare professional: Someone on your IBD team who can answer questions about your condition and help you find support.

• Another trusted adult: This could be a relative, coach or family friend who treats you with care and respect.

You don't have to tell one person everything. It's okay to have different people supporting different parts of your life.

💬 What if someone breaks your trust?

It can really hurt when someone shares something private, makes fun of you or doesn't support you the way you hoped they would.

If this happens, remember that someone else's behaviour is not your fault. You were not wrong for wanting to trust someone.

You might decide to talk to them about what happened, share less personal information with them in the future or take a break from the friendship. You don't have to forgive someone straight away or pretend everything is fine.

If the situation involves bullying, threats, pressure or the sharing of sensitive information, talk to a trusted adult who can help you work out what to do next.

And if someone breaks your trust, it doesn't mean nobody else can be trusted. There are people who will treat you with kindness and respect.

❤️ You deserve people who make you feel safe

You don't need a huge group of friends to feel supported. Even one or two people who listen, respect your boundaries and accept you as you are can make a real difference.

You also don't need to prove that you're trustworthy by sharing private information, keeping secrets that make you uncomfortable or doing things you don't want to do.

Trust should grow through kindness, respect and consistent actions. You deserve relationships where you can be yourself, including on the difficult days when IBD makes life feel a little harder.