Do I have to tell my friends?

Having Crohn’s disease or ulcerative colitis can sometimes make you feel different from other kids. You might need to use the toilet more often, miss school when you're unwell or take medicine that your friends don't need.

You might wonder whether you should tell your friends that you have IBD. What if they don't understand? What if they ask lots of questions? What if they treat you differently?

If you've had these thoughts, you're not alone.

The good news is that you get to decide who you tell about your IBD. You don't have to tell everyone, and you don't have to explain everything about your health.

Let's look at how you can decide what feels right for you.

🤔 Do I have to tell my friends?

No. You don't have to tell your friends about having IBD if you don't want to.

Your health is personal, and you get to choose how much you share with other people.

Some kids feel comfortable telling their friends because they want them to understand what they're going through. Others prefer to keep their IBD private, and that's okay, too.

You might also feel differently at different times. You could tell one close friend now and decide to tell other friends later.

There is no right or wrong choice.

Remember, though, that it can help to have at least one trusted adult, such as a parent, carer or teacher, who knows about your IBD and can support you when you need help.

👫 Who should I tell?

If you're thinking about telling someone, you don't have to start with your whole friendship group.

You could begin with one person you trust.

Think about your friends. Who listens when you have a problem? Who makes you feel comfortable being yourself? Who is kind when someone else is having a difficult day?

You might choose to tell:

• Your best friend.

• A friend you spend lots of time with.

• Someone who has noticed you've been missing school.

• A friend who you think would understand and support you.

You don't need to tell someone just because they ask questions or because you think you should.

Take your time and choose what feels right for you.

💬 What can I say if I want to tell them?

You don't need to make a big announcement or know exactly what to say.

You could tell your friend when you're hanging out together, talking privately or messaging them.

Here are a few ways you could explain it:

• Keeping it simple: “I have something called IBD. It affects my digestive system and sometimes makes me feel sick.”

• Explaining why you've missed school: “I've been away because my IBD has been playing up.”

• Explaining why you need the toilet: “My condition sometimes means I need to use the toilet really quickly.”

• Asking for understanding: “Sometimes I might have to cancel plans or leave early because I'm not feeling well. It's not because I don't want to hang out with you.”

You can share as much or as little as you want.

You might find it helpful to explain that IBD isn't contagious, so your friends can't catch it from you.

❓ What if they ask lots of questions?

Your friends might be curious because they haven't heard of IBD before.

They might ask what it is, why you have it or whether you'll always have it.

It's okay if you don't know all the answers. You're still learning about your condition yourself!

You could say:

• “It's a condition that causes inflammation in my bowel.”

• “Sometimes it makes me feel really tired or gives me tummy pain.”

• “I'm still learning about it, too.”

• “You can ask me questions, but I might not know all the answers.”

If a question makes you uncomfortable, you don't have to answer it.

You can simply say, “I'd rather not talk about that.”

A good friend should respect your boundaries, even if they don't fully understand your condition.

😟 What if I'm worried they'll treat me differently?

It's normal to worry about how people might react when you tell them something personal.

You might be scared they'll feel sorry for you, think you're different or stop inviting you to do things.

Sometimes, friends might not know what to say at first because they don't understand IBD. They may need a little time to learn about it.

But having IBD doesn't change who you are.

You're still the same person who loves your favourite games, laughs at silly jokes, enjoys spending time with friends and has things you're excited about.

You don't need to hide who you are to make other people comfortable.

If someone reacts unkindly, remember that their reaction doesn't mean you've done anything wrong. Talk to a trusted adult if someone teases you, shares your private information or makes you feel uncomfortable.

The friends who care about you should want you to feel safe being yourself.

🤫 What if I want to keep my IBD private?

That's completely okay.

You might not feel ready to talk about it, or you might simply prefer to keep your health information to yourself.

If someone asks why you've missed school or why you need to leave somewhere, you can give a short answer without explaining everything.

For example:

• “I wasn't feeling well.”

• “I have some health stuff going on.”

• “I needed to go to an appointment.”

• “I'd rather not talk about it.”

You can also change the subject if you don't want to continue the conversation.

You don't owe everyone your personal story, and you can decide what you're comfortable sharing.

Just remember that keeping your IBD private from friends doesn't mean you have to manage it alone. It's important to have trusted adults who can help you with your health and any support you need.

❤️ What if my friends don't understand?

IBD can be difficult to understand if you've never experienced it yourself.

Your friends might not realise why you sometimes cancel plans, need extra toilet breaks or feel too tired to play.

You could try explaining that IBD can affect you differently from one day to the next. Some days you might feel great, while other days you might need more rest or help.

You could say:

“Sometimes I look completely fine, but I might still feel really tired or have tummy pain. I can't always control how I feel, so I might need to change plans sometimes.”

You don't have to convince everyone to understand every part of IBD.

What matters is that your friends treat you with kindness and respect.

🌟 What if I want to tell them, but I'm scared?

You don't have to rush.

If you want to tell a friend but feel nervous, try practising what you want to say with a parent or another trusted adult first.

You could also write a message instead of saying it face-to-face if that feels easier.

Start small. You might tell one friend you trust and see how you feel before deciding whether to share more.

It's okay to feel nervous and still choose to talk about it. It's also okay to decide you're not ready yet.

There is no deadline for telling your friends.

💙 Remember, it's your story to share

Having IBD is one part of your life, but it doesn't define you.

You deserve friends who make you laugh, include you in activities and accept you on the days when you're feeling great and the days when you're struggling.

You can tell your friends about your IBD, keep it private or share different amounts with different people.

You get to choose who knows your story, when you tell them and how much you share.

Whatever you decide, you deserve kindness, understanding and friendship. 💙