Dating with Crohn's disease or ulcerative colitis

Dating can feel exciting, confusing, and sometimes a little scary, especially when you have inflammatory bowel disease (IBD).

You might have a crush on someone and wonder when to tell them about your condition. Maybe you're worried about having symptoms during a date, needing to use the toilet urgently, or explaining why you sometimes have to cancel plans.

You might even wonder whether someone will still like you if they know you have Crohn's disease or ulcerative colitis.

If you've had any of these thoughts, you're not alone. Dating can bring up lots of questions, and having IBD can add a few extra things to think about.

But here's something important to remember: you deserve to be liked, respected, and cared for exactly as you are. Having IBD doesn't make you less worthy of love or a relationship.

💚 Do I have to tell someone I have IBD?

You might wonder whether you need to tell someone about your IBD straight away when you start liking them.

The truth is, there is no perfect time to share your diagnosis. It's your personal information, and you get to decide when you're comfortable talking about it.

You might choose to tell someone when you start spending more time together, when you feel ready to explain why you sometimes feel unwell, or when you want them to understand something important about your life.

You don't have to tell someone everything on the first date, and you don't need to explain every symptom or medical detail.

If you decide to share your diagnosis, you could keep it simple:

"I have a condition called IBD that affects my digestive system. Sometimes it makes me feel unwell or tired, but I have treatment to help manage it."

You can explain more if you want to, but you don't need to give a full medical lesson.

Take your time and share what feels right for you.

😟 What if they don't like me because I have IBD?

This is a worry that some people with IBD have when they start dating.

You might be scared that someone will think your condition is embarrassing, that you're too much work, or that dating you will be difficult.

It's understandable to feel nervous about how someone might react when you share something personal.

But having IBD doesn't make you less interesting, attractive, funny, kind, or deserving of a relationship.

You are a whole person with interests, dreams, friendships, and qualities that have nothing to do with your digestive system.

Someone who cares about you should be willing to listen and try to understand your experiences. They don't need to know everything about IBD immediately, but they should treat you with kindness and respect.

If someone makes fun of your condition, puts you down, or makes you feel ashamed of being unwell, remember that their behaviour doesn't determine your worth.

You shouldn't have to hide an important part of your life just to make someone like you.

🗣️ How do I explain IBD to someone I'm dating?

You don't need to use complicated medical words or explain everything at once.

You could tell them that IBD is a long-term condition that causes inflammation in your digestive system and that it can affect how you feel from day to day.

You might want to explain that:

• Sometimes you feel well, and sometimes you don't.

• You might need to use the toilet urgently.

• Fatigue or pain can occasionally affect your plans.

• You take medication or attend appointments to manage your condition.

• You can't always predict when symptoms will happen.

You can also explain what helps you feel supported.

For example, you might say, "Sometimes I need to change plans if I'm not feeling well. It doesn't mean I don't want to spend time with you."

If they have questions, you can answer the ones you're comfortable with. It's okay to say you don't want to discuss something private.

You don't have to justify your symptoms or prove how unwell you feel.

🚽 What if I'm worried about symptoms during a date?

It's normal to worry about symptoms when you're spending time with someone you like.

You might be concerned about needing the toilet, experiencing stomach pain, feeling tired, or having to leave earlier than planned.

These worries can feel embarrassing, but you can take steps to help yourself feel more comfortable.

Choose a date that suits how you're feeling.

You could meet for a movie, visit a familiar café, go for a walk somewhere with toilets nearby, or do an activity you enjoy.

Know where the toilets are.

If knowing where the nearest toilet is helps you relax, it's okay to check before you arrive.

Have a backup plan.

You might agree to keep the date flexible or choose somewhere you can leave easily if you start feeling unwell.

Remember that you can change your plans.

If you're having a difficult symptom day, you can reschedule. You don't need to push through pain or exhaustion to prove that you're interested in someone.

Don't be too hard on yourself.

If you need to leave a date to use the toilet or because you feel unwell, that doesn't mean you've ruined everything.

The right person should understand that your health sometimes needs to come first.

💬 What if I need to cancel a date?

Cancelling plans can feel disappointing, especially when you've been looking forward to seeing someone.

You might worry that they'll think you're making excuses or that they'll stop asking you out.

If you need to cancel, you can explain as much or as little as you feel comfortable sharing.

For example:

"Hey, I'm really sorry, but I'm not feeling well today because of my IBD. I was looking forward to seeing you. Could we organise another day?"

You don't need to provide every detail about your symptoms.

If someone is disappointed, that's understandable, but it doesn't mean you've done anything wrong. You can't always control how your body feels.

If someone repeatedly makes you feel guilty for being unwell or refuses to respect your health needs, it's worth thinking about whether the relationship feels supportive.

🫂 What does a supportive relationship look like?

A healthy relationship should help you feel comfortable being yourself.

Someone doesn't need to understand every part of IBD immediately, but they should be willing to learn and respect your boundaries.

A supportive person might:

• Listen when you explain how you're feeling.

• Understand that you sometimes need to change plans.

• Avoid making hurtful jokes about your symptoms.

• Respect your privacy and the information you choose to share.

• Ask how they can help rather than assuming what you need.

• Encourage you to look after your health.

They should also respect your interests, friendships, opinions, and independence.

Remember that a relationship goes both ways. You both deserve kindness, honesty, and respect.

You don't have to accept hurtful behaviour because someone is willing to date you. Having IBD doesn't mean you should lower your expectations of how you're treated.

💗 What if I'm embarrassed about my body?

IBD and some of its treatments can sometimes affect your weight, skin, hair, or body shape. You might also feel self-conscious about symptoms such as bloating, scars, or needing the toilet frequently.

If you're worried about how someone will react to your body, remember that your appearance doesn't determine your value.

You don't need to look a certain way to be attractive or worthy of affection.

It can take time to feel comfortable sharing personal things with someone, and that's okay. You can decide what you're ready for and move at your own pace.

A caring partner should respect your comfort levels and never pressure you to do something you're not ready for.

If body image worries are affecting your confidence, talking to someone you trust can help you work through those feelings.

🔐 Remember your boundaries and safety

Dating should feel comfortable, respectful, and safe.

You never owe someone personal medical information, physical affection, or anything else just because you're dating them.

You can say no, change your mind, or decide you're not ready. Someone who respects you should respect those decisions.

If you're meeting someone new, especially someone you've only spoken to online, choose a public place, tell a trusted person where you're going, and arrange your own way home if possible.

If anyone pressures you, threatens you, shares private information about your health without permission, or makes you feel unsafe, reach out to a trusted adult for help.

Your wellbeing matters in every relationship.

🌱 What if I'm not ready to date?

That's completely okay, too.

You don't need to start dating because your friends are doing it or because you feel like you're supposed to have a boyfriend or girlfriend by a certain age.

You can take your time getting to know yourself, building friendships, exploring your interests, and working out what matters to you in a relationship.

Having IBD doesn't mean you need to avoid dating, but it also doesn't mean you have to be ready for it right now.

There is no deadline for finding someone, and your life doesn't need to look like anyone else's.

⭐ Remember this

Dating with Crohn's disease or ulcerative colitis might bring up extra worries, but IBD doesn't stop you from having meaningful relationships.

You can choose when to share your diagnosis, set boundaries, plan dates around your needs, and ask for support when you need it.

Some people might not understand your condition straight away, and not every relationship will work out. That happens to everyone, whether they have IBD or not.

You deserve someone who respects you, listens to you, and makes you feel comfortable being yourself.

You are more than your IBD, and you never have to prove that you're worthy of being loved. 💚