What to say when people give unsolicited advice about IBD

When your child has inflammatory bowel disease (IBD), you may find that people have a lot to say about it. Friends, relatives, other parents and even strangers might offer advice about food, medication, stress or alternative treatments, even when you have not asked for their opinion.

They may suggest cutting out certain foods, trying a supplement, reducing stress or looking into a treatment they read about online. Sometimes, they genuinely want to help. Other times, their comments can feel intrusive, frustrating or upsetting, particularly when you are already doing everything you can to support your child.

Living with Crohn's disease or ulcerative colitis involves making decisions alongside your child's healthcare team. You do not have to explain every decision, defend your child's treatment or follow every suggestion someone offers.

Knowing what to say when people give unsolicited advice can help you set boundaries, protect your family's privacy and feel more confident in conversations about your child's IBD.

💬 Why people give unsolicited advice

People offer advice for different reasons. Some feel uncomfortable when they see a child struggling and want to find a solution. Others may have heard a story about someone who improved after changing their diet or trying a particular supplement.

Some people also misunderstand IBD and assume it can be managed through simple lifestyle changes.

You might hear comments such as:

• "Have you tried cutting out gluten?"

• "I read that a certain diet can cure gut problems."

• "You should try this probiotic."

• "Maybe it's because your child is stressed."

• "Have you looked into natural treatments?"

• "I know someone who had the same thing, and they fixed it by changing their diet."

• "Are you sure they really need all that medication?"

Even when these comments come from a place of concern, they can leave parents feeling judged or misunderstood.

IBD is a complex, chronic condition. There is no single diet, supplement or lifestyle change that cures Crohn's disease or ulcerative colitis, and treatments that work for one person may not be suitable for another.

You are allowed to appreciate someone's concern without accepting their advice.

🫶 How unsolicited advice can make parents feel

When you are caring for a child with IBD, you may already be managing medical appointments, medications, school concerns, symptoms and worries about the future.

Unsolicited advice can add another layer of emotional pressure.

You might feel:

• Frustrated: because someone assumes they understand your child's condition after reading one article.

• Judged: as though they think you are not doing enough.

• Overwhelmed: because you are constantly being given new things to research or consider.

• Guilty: wondering whether you should have tried something different.

• Protective: wanting to defend your child and the decisions you have made.

• Exhausted: because you do not have the energy to explain IBD repeatedly.

You might even find yourself questioning decisions you previously felt confident about.

If this happens, remind yourself that you do not need to investigate every suggestion someone makes. Your child's treatment decisions should be guided by their healthcare team and the evidence relevant to their individual circumstances.

Someone else's opinion does not automatically mean you have missed something.

🌿 What to say when people suggest dietary changes

Food is one of the most common topics people bring up when they hear that a child has IBD.

You might be told to remove dairy, gluten, sugar or processed foods, or encouraged to try a particular diet that someone believes will improve inflammation.

These suggestions can be especially difficult when your child already has dietary restrictions, struggles with appetite or needs support with growth and nutrition.

Although nutrition can play an important role in managing IBD, dietary needs vary. Some dietary approaches are used in specific clinical circumstances, but restrictive diets are not suitable for every child.

Removing foods without appropriate guidance can also make it harder for children to meet their nutritional needs.

Here are some responses you can use:

If someone tells you to cut out a food group:

"We're working with our healthcare team to make sure their diet meets their needs."

If someone recommends a special diet:

"Thanks for the suggestion. We'll discuss any dietary changes with their dietitian first."

If someone insists that a particular food is causing the IBD:

"IBD is a complex condition, and we can't assume that one food is responsible. We're following advice specific to our child."

If someone keeps sending you diet plans:

"I appreciate that you're trying to help, but we aren't looking for additional diet recommendations at the moment."

You do not have to debate every food-related suggestion. A short response is often enough.

💊 What to say when people question medication

Medication can be another source of unsolicited advice, particularly when people are uncomfortable with the idea of a child taking long-term treatment.

You might hear suggestions to reduce medication, stop it when symptoms improve or replace it with supplements or natural remedies.

These comments can be worrying because they may create doubt about treatment decisions that have been made with your child's gastroenterology team.

IBD treatment aims to control inflammation, manage symptoms and reduce the risk of complications. A child may still need medication even when they appear well.

Never stop or change prescribed IBD medication based on someone else's advice. Discuss concerns about side effects, treatment choices or alternative options with your child's healthcare team.

You could respond with:

If someone questions why your child takes medication:

"Their medication has been prescribed by their specialist, and we're following their treatment plan."

If someone suggests stopping medication:

"We won't change their medication without speaking to their gastroenterologist."

If someone recommends a supplement instead:

"We check with their healthcare team before adding anything to their treatment."

If someone tells you medication is harmful:

"Like all treatments, medication has potential risks and benefits. We're making decisions with their specialist based on their individual needs."

You are not required to share details about your child's medication or justify why it has been prescribed.

🧠 What to say when people blame stress

Some people assume that stress causes IBD or that reducing stress will make the disease go away.

Stress can affect wellbeing and may worsen symptoms for some people, but Crohn's disease and ulcerative colitis are complex inflammatory conditions. They are not simply caused by anxiety, worry or a child's emotional state.

Comments about stress can be particularly upsetting when your child has experienced anxiety around school, friendships or medical appointments.

Parents may feel that they are being blamed for their child's illness or that their child is somehow responsible for becoming unwell.

If someone suggests your child needs to relax more, you could say:

If someone blames stress for a flare:

"Stress can affect how someone feels, but IBD is a medical condition involving inflammation. We're working with their healthcare team to manage it."

If someone says your child worries too much:

"We support their emotional wellbeing, but we also recognise that their IBD needs medical care."

If someone suggests you are making your child anxious:

"We're doing our best to support them through a difficult condition, and we don't find blame helpful."

You can acknowledge the importance of emotional wellbeing without accepting the idea that your child's illness is their fault.

🌱 What to say when people recommend alternative treatments

You may encounter people who recommend herbal remedies, supplements, specialised diets or alternative therapies they believe will treat IBD.

They may share personal stories about someone whose symptoms improved after trying a particular approach. While personal experiences can be meaningful, they do not establish that a treatment is effective or safe for another child.

Some supplements and herbal products can interact with medication, cause side effects or be unsuitable for children.

Before introducing a new supplement, remedy or treatment, discuss it with your child's healthcare team.

You could say:

If someone recommends a supplement:

"Thanks for thinking of us. We'll check with their healthcare team before introducing anything new."

If someone insists that a natural remedy works:

"I'm glad you've found something that helped you, but we need to make decisions based on what's appropriate for our child."

If someone claims an alternative treatment can cure IBD:

"There isn't a proven universal cure for IBD, so we're focusing on treatments recommended by their specialist."

If someone keeps sending you links and recommendations:

"I know you're trying to help, but researching new treatments can be overwhelming. We'll look into options with their medical team if needed."

You can be open to discussing treatment options with healthcare professionals without feeling obliged to try everything someone recommends.

🛑 How to set boundaries without feeling rude

One of the hardest parts of dealing with unsolicited advice is knowing how to end the conversation without upsetting someone.

You may worry about seeming ungrateful, particularly when advice comes from close family members or friends who genuinely care about your child.

However, setting a boundary is not the same as being rude. You can acknowledge someone's intentions while making it clear that you do not want further advice.

Try phrases such as:

• "Thanks for caring about us. We've got a plan in place with our healthcare team."

• "I appreciate your concern, but we're comfortable with the decisions we're making."

• "We've had a lot of advice lately, so we'd prefer not to discuss treatment options."

• "We'll keep that in mind, but we're following guidance from our specialist."

• "I know you mean well, but we'd rather not receive recommendations about their IBD."

• "That's something we'll discuss with their doctor if we need to."

You do not need to provide a lengthy explanation. The more you try to justify your decisions, the more opportunities someone may see to challenge them.

A calm, consistent response can help establish what you are comfortable discussing.

🔁 What to say when someone won't stop giving advice

Sometimes, a polite response does not end the conversation. A person may continue insisting that you should try their recommendation or suggest that you are not being open-minded.

If this happens repeatedly, you may need to be more direct.

You could say:

"I understand that you have a different opinion, but we've made our decision with our child's healthcare team. We're not going to debate it."

Or:

"We've talked about this before, and I'd like you to respect our decision not to discuss treatment recommendations."

If the person continues, you can change the subject, end the conversation or take some distance from discussions that leave you feeling upset.

You cannot control whether someone offers advice, but you can decide how much time and energy you give the conversation.

👨‍👩‍👧 What to say when advice is directed at your child

Unsolicited advice can be particularly uncomfortable when someone speaks directly to your child about their food, symptoms or treatment.

For example, someone might tell your child they should avoid certain foods, ask intrusive questions about their bowel movements or suggest that they need to try a particular remedy.

Children with IBD already manage a lot. They should not feel responsible for defending their medical care or explaining their condition to other people.

You can step in gently but firmly.

Try saying:

• "We have their medical care covered, thanks."

• "Let's leave food and treatment decisions to their healthcare team."

• "They don't need to discuss their medical details if they don't want to."

• "We don't want them to feel worried about food, so we'll follow advice from their dietitian."

It can also help to talk to your child privately afterwards.

Reassure them that they have not done anything wrong and that they do not need to follow suggestions from other people. Encourage them to tell you if a conversation makes them uncomfortable.

As they get older, you can help them practise simple responses, such as "Thanks, but my doctor helps me manage my IBD."

This can build confidence and help them protect their privacy as they become more independent.

❤️ When unsolicited advice comes from family

Advice from close relatives can be especially challenging because you may see these people regularly and want to maintain a positive relationship.

Grandparents, aunts, uncles and other relatives may feel protective of your child and want to help. They might also struggle to understand why a treatment they have read about is not being used.

If you are comfortable doing so, explain how they can support your family more effectively.

For example:

"We know you care about them, and we appreciate that. What helps us most is knowing you're there for us, rather than feeling that we need to consider another treatment or diet."

You can also offer practical alternatives:

• Ask them to help with meals, school pickups or appointments.

• Invite them to spend time with your child doing an activity they enjoy.

• Let them know when you need someone to listen rather than offer solutions.

• Share reliable information about IBD if they genuinely want to understand the condition.

If a relative repeatedly ignores your boundaries, it is reasonable to limit conversations about your child's medical care.

Protecting your family's wellbeing does not mean you do not value the relationship.

💚 You don't have to explain everything

One of the most important things to remember is that your child's medical information is private.

You can decide what you share, who you share it with and when you want to talk about it.

You do not owe anyone details about your child's symptoms, test results, medication or treatment decisions. You also do not need to prove that you are doing everything possible to help them.

Some people will understand your boundaries immediately. Others may need reminding, and a few may never agree with your decisions.

That does not mean you need to keep explaining yourself.

You are allowed to say, "We're managing it with their healthcare team," and leave it there.

🌈 Remember, you're doing your best

When your child has IBD, you already have enough to think about without feeling responsible for managing everyone else's opinions.

It is natural to appreciate advice that genuinely helps, but you are also allowed to decline suggestions that leave you feeling overwhelmed, judged or uncertain.

You do not need to try every diet, supplement or treatment someone mentions. You do not need to defend your child's medication or explain every medical decision.

Your role is to support your child, ask questions when you need answers and work with their healthcare team to make informed decisions.

You can appreciate someone's concern without accepting their advice. Setting boundaries can help you protect your energy, support your child with confidence and focus on what matters most to your family.